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- Doctor Dad
Dr. Marc Weissbluth answers your
questions about young children
Q: My 3-year old son has this disturbing habit. Whenever he calls or needs something and I go, he yells, "No, Mommy come get me!" Obviously this can be very upsetting. Am I doing something wrong? Is this normal?
A: It's perfectly normal. Young children are much more attached to their mothers than their fathers. Mothers are more comforting and soothing. When young children are injured or frustrated or upset they turn to their mothers. It's how we were biologically trained. In general, most early care is given by females, and that proclivity continues for years. Do you ever watch a football player at the end of the game waving at the camera? He always say, "Hi, mom!" None of this means they love their father less. However fathers should not be excluded. To remedy the situation, mothers should sometimes absent themselves so the father can be actively involved. If a child says "I want mommy to tie my shoe not you, dad," there's no reason the father shouldn't tie the shoe. Don't force it, but be persistent. And be patient.
Q: I have two young children and one is a terrible eater. Half the time he refuses to eat what we give him. By wife gets very upset and insists he eat, even if it means making a whole new meal. Is this ok?
A: You don't want to become a short-order cook. We never expect young chidren to eat everything or stay with the same foods. They change. They may never touch green vegetables for six months. Or they might just want dairy for a long period of time. Present wholesome foods in a pleasant manner. That's what's important. Don't force food. End the meal when you think it's appropriate and don't substitute or cater. The hunger of the child will force him or her to eat more the next meal. Remember mothers are very nurturing people. And part of nurturing is feeding. The idea of not seeing the child eat much makes it hard for them to calmly end the meal. The more casual you can be the better, and the less likely your children will develop eating problems later on. Of course this does mean you should give your kids things that are very sweet or very salty. In other words, don't buy temporary peace with junk food.
Q: I've got a daughter who's almost four and she still sucks her thumb. I get the feeling other parents give me weird looks in the playground. How can I get her to stop?
A: Thumb-sucking is a habit. It's not any different from nail-biting or nose-picking It doesn't connote insecurity or emotional stress. It needs to be ignored. The more you try to stop it the more the child will protest and want to sick his or her thumb. So you just have to bit your tongue. There are no adults who suck their thumb. And other parents in the playground should mind their own business.
Q: I have a very boisterous young son. Sometimes I think he's too active. My wife has been reading a lot about the drug Ritalin and thinks maybe we should consider it, just to calm him down. Recently I've heard that Ritalin has been given to lots of kids who don't need it? Who should make that decision?
A: Only trained child psychologists and pediatric neurologists should make that decision. It takes time to make a diagnosis. A pediatrician cannot do this as well because of the shorter duration of the office visit and the fact that kids are often frightened, say, of immunizations. Is Ritalin over-prescribed? I attended a conference where a pediatrician from a poor area reported that, due to overcrowding and shortage of teachers, there was a great deal of disruption in the classroom. There, schools, parents and even teachers wanted Ritalin prescribed to children whether or not they met the diagnostic criteria. The theory was that calming some of these children down would reduce the disruptive background, so that at least some of the calmer children would get more education. In this setting the drug was overly prescribed and inappropriately used. It was an attempt to deal with a societal problem by chemically drugging some children. The doctors, who had resisted this problem for years, only reluctantly gave in under pressure from the schools, parents and some of the teachers. Be very careful before you permit your child to take this kind of medication, and make sure it follows a thorough diagnosis.
Dr. Marc Weissbluth heads a prominent pediatric practice in Chicago and is the author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, among other books. He is on the Board of Advisers to dadmag.com.
Questions for Dr. Weissbluth? Send your queries to Doctor Dad at "Contact" on our home page.
Content in DADMAG.com is meant to be distributed freely to interested parties. However, any excerpts from the stories in DADMAG.com must credit DADMAG.com. Copyright 2000, DADMAG.com, LLC. All rights reserved. Site Development - Andexler.com
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