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- Avoiding the Christmas "Gimmes!"
(Without Being a Grinch)
by Sharon Goldman Edry
(12/14/00)
You know the drill. It starts somewhere after Halloween and before Thanksgiving (but some conniving little kids begin even earlier in the year). The little whines. The significant sighs. The repetitive "I want, I want, I want." It's the beginning of the holiday "gimmes," and there is hardly a less annoying side of childhood.
- Now, be honest - we all had serious cases of the "gimmes" when we were kids, too. Whether you grew up in the age of singles, LP's, 8-tracks, or CD's, you can probably wince and recall a time when you begged and pleaded or threatened suicide for a gift.
- But today's kids are inundated with commercialism in a way that we could hardly imagine when we were kids. Between Nickelodeon, MTV, Saturday morning cartoons, and the Internet-let alone wealthy peers and guilty parents who spoil-children are completely saturated with sudden "wants" and "needs." When today's parents are trekking to Toys 'R' Us at 6 a.m. to make sure to get their hands on a most-wanted Poochi electronic dog, or putting the phone number for a local radio station on the speed dialer to boost their chances of winning that coveted Sony Playstation 2, something's gone wrong. Very, very wrong.
- How can you avoid giving in to your child's holiday "gimmes" and set a non-materialistic example yourself? First of all, start 'em as young as possible, says Dr. Paul Coleman, a psychologist, father of three and author of How to Say it To Your Kids (Prentice Hall Press, October 2000). "You want to get into the habit of saying what you mean and meaning what you say," he explains. "If your kids know they can hammer away and eventually get something, you're at a disadvantage."
- So you've got to be in the power seat -- what dad doesn't want that? But the other thing to keep in mind, continues Coleman, is that you may want to simply accept the fact that your kids are inundated with commercialism - and they might be whining and pleading because they are simply excited by the holiday anticipation. So instead of losing your voice from yelling for 30 days, "Paste on a smile and keep it there for the month of December. Your grumpiness will only contribute to theirs."
- But for all the dads who want a clear answer on what to say when to say it, here it is: "Say a clear No, with a little bit of empathy sprinkled in, such as 'I'm sure you're feeling a little disappointed; it sounds like you'd really like to have that," says Dr. Coleman. "But don't say 'we'll see,' and put it off a week," (no self-respecting father-figure has EVER done that, right?) And if your child is already throwing a temper-tantrum at Toys 'R' Us? "You need to take charge. Take your child by the hand outside and tell him, 'I know what you want but I won't put up with that behavior. When you're calmer, we'll go back in.'" Easier said than done, but worth a try, right?
- Your child may also feel particularly sensitive if his peers receive showers of gifts on Christmas morning, and he does not (as millions of Jewish children can relate to, for example, or children from families that attempt to limit presents at holiday time). Here, Coleman suggests, is where emphasizing other aspects of the season can help. "If you don't want to make your children's holiday experience about presents, make sure it's about something else," he says. "If you want to emphasize the religious aspect, for instance, make it special and focus on it during the year as well. Or if family is a big part of your holidays, invite lots of relatives to your house, with special food, activities and games. And if you give only one or two presents, make them extra-special, something the kids will look forward to."
- One dad who has managed to nip most of his kids' "gimmes" in the bud is Shel Horowitz, father of two and author of The Penny-Pinching Hedonist: How to Live Royalty With a Peasant's Pocketbook. While you might not aspire (or be able to put into practice) to Mr. Horowitz's family rule of only one hour of television a night for his kids, which takes the edge off of some of the overwhelming flood of commercials most kids ingest, he still has some good tips on ways you can give gifts without breaking the bank or losing the true, giving spirit of the holidays.
- "We try to model sophisticated consumer behavior," says Horowitz. "It's not that we don't buy presents, but we don't rush and get the latest fad. We are careful shoppers and try to discern what is valuable and what is hype."
- And some of the best gifts, say Horowitz, are the simplest ones: homemade gifts, gifts of time, gifts the whole family can share. Here are some great simples you might want to include in your holiday mix (after the latest fad toy you bought breaks right after your child opens up the box):
- 1. A book about your child that you write and illustrate
- 2. The makings for hand puppets - brown lunch bags, googly eyes, scissors, markers, etc.
- 3. Art supplies and a special corner of the house for your child to create
- 4. Cookbooks and better bakeware for some family cooking fun
- 5. A 500+piece jigsaw puzzle of the entire family to work together
- 6. A box of items that can be assembled into a homemade playhouse: scrap wood, cardboard, small hammer, non-toxic paint, rope, etc., along with a gift certificate promising to help your children build the house.
- 7. A basket of great dress-up clothes, with plenty of old, fake jewelry, high heeled shoes, glittery evening dresses, or even your old disco outfits from the '70's and '80's.
- 8. Sheet music for aspiring musicians
- 9. Gardening tools and seeds
- 10. Tickets to a play or musical the whole family can attend
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